I'm Still Alive, and Handsome as Ever

Yes.  Yes I am still alive.  Just really really really really really really...... you know what, you don't care how busy I am.
Aaaaaaaaanyway, it's time for my semi annual post.  If anybody out there still reads this, (hi, mom!) I'm apologizing for not posting for about three years.  And I'm not even sure if we have a word to wright about, so I'll just tell you a story.

This is the story about how I'm way to handsome for my own good.

Best picture I could find of me on short notice

It started last winter.  I was ice skating, (my second time ever!) with some friends.  I'm skating around, trying not to fall over (just kidding.  I was actually pretty good.)  (I like writing in parentheses!) and this girl accidentally on purpose "falls" into me.  I didn't even fall!  Here's the conversation.

Her: *slips into me*  "OH! I'm so sorry!

Me: *regaining balance*  "It's okay."  *keeps skating*

Her: *still skating by me*  "Are you Garren?"

Me: *reaching for my taser*  "Yes."

Her: *skating closer*  (I don't remember her name.  We'll call her Susan.)  "I'm Susan."

Me: *skating faster*  "Hi.  How'd you know my name?"

Her: *trying to keep up with me*  "Oh, I'm friends with her."  *points at one of my friends skating* (We'll call her Lexie, because that's her name.)

Me: *weaving in and out of crowds trying to lose her*  "Oh, cool."

Her: *bumping through people*  "So what classes do you have for school this year?"

Me: *realizing she wants to chat*  "Well, I have a blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah." (boring school stuff)

Her: *wobbling and (I'm not making this up) reaching for my hand* "Fun!"  (clearly she was't paying attention to what I was saying.  Because school definitely wasn't fun.)

Me: *achieving speeds of an Olympic speed skater* "Yeah, it's pretty fun."  (I'm such a lier.)

Me trying to escape

Her: *falling behind* "So how do you know Lexie?"

Me: *looking for an exit* "We go to the same homeschool group."

This goes on for a couple minutes.  Every 30 seconds or so her hand touches mine.  I finally skate over to my sister where she doesn't follow.  I find out later it was a dare from Lexie's bishop to skate around with a boy, and hold his hand.  If you did, you got five bucks.  I got out just in time.  I wish that was the last time something like that happened.  Unfortunately, I just keep getting more attractive.

Second part.  I was visiting my ward in Las Vegas, and it happened to be during Youth Conference. (I assume everybody who reads this blog ((hi, mom!)) is lds.)  So I went to Youth Conference.  Ton of fun!  Won't get into to much detail, cause that's not important.  Usually after Youth Conference there's a dance, right?  Instead we went roller skating.  Yeah, another skating story.

So I'm skating around, minding my own business, feeling lonely and whatnot, and I feel something.
Something on my hand.

Something grabbing my hand.

Someone grabbing my hand.

SOMEONE GRABBING MY HAND!!!!!!

Now, this is for the whole stake, and I'd been living out of the state for almost two years, so already I'm kind of scarred at who is holding my hand.  And it's the weird kind of hand holding.  The interlocking.  Like nothing will ever break us apart.  And that also shows that it's not an accident.

My life flashed before my eyes.  A single tear ran down my face.  In a split second, a couple things go through my mind.  "Do I know this girl?"  "Is this a girl?"  "Is this girl cute?"  And most importantly, "What the crap am I supposed to do!?!?!"

I few options come to my mind.

1. Slowly pull away and act as if this creep never grabbed my hand.

2. "STRANGER DANGER!!!!!"

3. Look her in the eyes with a face of absolute horror.

4. Trip her.

5. Squeeze her hand and continue skating.

I chose option 1.  Although stranger danger would be pretty fun come to think about it.  I was scarred to look back.  I covered up looking by spinning in a circle. I caught a glimpse of this girl. (Thank goodness, it was a girl.)  Luckily, she wasn't that cute.  Otherwise I would've kicked myself for not choosing option 5.  Throughout the rest of the night, she never looked at me again.

I've got more of these stories.  Not all happen while skating, but apparently that's when I look best.  I should mention that even though I seemed kind of freaked out in these stories, I'm not afraid of girls, nor do I mind holding a girls hand.  As long as they're not creepy about it.  But there's plenty of girls whose hand I'd be glad to hold! (Hi, mom!)